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To Beef or Not to Beef: The Perils of Going Vegan on a Yacht by Luis Rafael Hurtado. #24/0150.

October 10, 2024 · 2 min read

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To beef or not to beef

To Beef or Not to Beef: The Perils of Going Vegan on a Yacht

Ah, the yachting life—sun, sea, and now… quinoa? In an industry where caviar flows like champagne and Kobe beef is just a Tuesday lunch, we’re starting to see a new trend: veganism. But not just any kind of thoughtful, gradual shift. No, I’m talking about those who give up meat overnight because they read an article in Cosmopolitan that swore a plant-based diet would expand their social circle and give them glowing skin. Spoiler alert: it’s not working out as planned.

Take the second stew, for example. She’s vegan now, and so is her ass—wider than a yacht at anchor. The dream of becoming a svelte green goddess? Not exactly. You see, this isn’t some balanced, nourishing veganism. This is the kind of veganism that involves carb-loading on vegan donuts, bingeing on soy everything, and wondering why the salad isn’t doing its magic. Overweight and undernourished, the stew now battles mood swings that change faster than the tides, and her energy levels are lower than the ship’s anchor.

Then there’s the serious repercussion of mood swings when the stew’s blood sugar plummets mid-service. One minute, she’s arranging the gluten-free hors d’oeuvres like they’re works of art; the next, she’s questioning her life choices while clutching a spirulina shake.

And let’s not forget the entire crew’s reaction when vegan meals make their way into the galley. “No steak? No fish? What did we do to deserve this?” It’s a mutiny waiting to happen, folks. Sure, the stew may have gained a few more plant-based friends, but at the cost of a very hungry crew who now secretly hoard beef jerky in their cabins like it’s contraband.

So, before you give up meat because Cosmo says it’s the key to a new social life, remember: veganism isn’t one-size-fits-all. Especially when you’re on a yacht with a crew that just wants a juicy burger after a 12-hour shift.

To my old friend CORNER BAR FRANK alias Francis Threw, who left for another galaxy on the 8th of September 2024.

October 8, 2024 · 2 min read

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I don’t know how to reach you, Frank. I’ve been looking around, but it seems you’ve gone interstellar. I took that late flight from Barcelona, hoping to see you on Sunday. But we obviously missed each other at the airport—your last flight took off just as I landed at Son Sant Juan.

You’re probably sitting in some interstellar corner bar, listening to klingons at the next table while a giant squidfish of a bartender tries to catch your eye. I wonder what the house drink is—Moloko Plus with knives, I guess. But I’m sure you ordered that bucket of beer you always kicked back. I’ll raise a bucket of beer and think of you now and then. I miss you, man. I know it’s selfish, but it’s better than squidfish.

Old bastard!

When I visited on tuesday, you still tried to make me laugh, telling me that story about the catheter and how four nurses had to hold you down. You’ve got balls, man. By the way, greetings from Julia and the kids. She misses you too. Anyway, you two always got along better. Ha!

You’re the kind of mild person who can get hard on someone when needed. I picture you interstellar, sitting by your motorbike, calmly fixing it with a bottle of whiskey at your side, like something out of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. You give that steady look of yours, the one that says you know exactly what you’re doing.

I still have that workshop lamp of yours. You lent it to me two years ago, and I know it’s yours because when I plug it in, it shines.

So, I’ll let you to it. Write me if you can. I’ll be waiting. Same old address.

Give Alan a hug. Does he still wear that menjou beard? He got there earlier than you, so I’m sure he’ll show you around.

Provisioning on a Superyacht: The Tinder Blind Date of the Culinary World by Luis Rafael Hurtado. #24/0149.

October 7, 2024 · 2 min read

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Provisioning on a Superyacht: The Tinder Blind Date of the Culinary World

Using a superyacht provision service is a lot like going on a Tinder blind date: you’re full of expectations, hoping for the best, but somewhere deep inside, you know you’re about to get disappointed. You think you’re getting what you need? Oh no. It’s all about what they want to sell you—or whatever’s about to expire and they’re trying to pawn off before it turns into a science experiment.

You ask for two pounds of Black Forest ham, and somehow you end up with a five-pound slab of “slimming ham.” Because hey, why not save your waistline and disappoint your guests at the same time? And the microgreens? They arrive looking like they just finished filming their last will and testament—perfect for a “funeral salad.”

Then there’s the beef situation. You ordered 90/10 ground beef for a nice, hearty Bolognese. What you got? More fat than actual meat. Two-thirds fat, to be exact, because apparently, we’re making a Bolognese soup now.

Ordering dry goods? Prepare for your surprise guests: flour bugs, pantry weevils, rice bugs—take your pick! They come at no extra charge, which is always nice, especially when you’re in the middle of a remote cruise. It’s like a bonus protein package, but one that you never asked for and definitely don’t want.

And let’s not forget the organic eggs. You crack five for an omelette, and two of them smell like… well, let’s just say they’re far from “fresh.” I didn’t know eggs could age like fine cheese, but here we are, discovering new culinary frontiers.

The cherry on top? Your provision order arrives either right before lunch (when the crew conveniently vanishes to their cabins) or at 6:30 p.m., when everyone’s suddenly Houdini and dinner is expected on time. And don’t forget the next morning, when they ask for breakfast and you’re scratching your face with the middle finger, mentally preparing yourself for the day ahead.

Oh, and the bill? A cool $4,000 for five cases of goods, half of which are either missing or, even better, spoiled. Of course, when you called them, they assured you everything was under control—right up until the moment they hit “send” on their invoice and disappeared like the crew at provisioning time.

Crew Meals: Because No One Likes a Hangry Crew by Luis Rafael Hurtado. #24/0147.

October 6, 2024 · 2 min read

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Crew Meals: Because No One Likes a Hangry Crew

Never underestimate the power of keeping your crew well-fed. Seriously, if you think serving them half-hearted sandwiches is going to cut it, think again. Great-tasting food translates into a happy crew, and guess what? A happy crew means fewer mutinies, fewer complaints, and a captain who isn’t breathing down your neck. It’s like a magical recipe for peace on the high seas. And yes, this extends to the owners, who might just thank you for not having a grumpy crew knocking on their cabin door.

If you actually want to succeed in this industry, here’s a pro tip: show the same enthusiasm for crew meals as you do for that meticulously plated lobster bisque you whipped up for the guests. And no, I’m not saying you need to serve filet mignon with a side of gold flakes at lunch (although, who wouldn’t love that?). But let’s at least pretend the crew deserves food that doesn’t resemble something you’d serve at a prison cafeteria.

Believe it or not, chefs have lost jobs over this. Yes, really. Because, shocker, it turns out that if you consistently treat the crew’s meals like an afterthought, word gets around. How many times have you heard, “Yeah, they make a killer soufflé, but their crew meals? Total garbage.”? Reputation is everything, folks.

Remember, your food says a lot about you—not just as a chef, but as a human being. So, if your crew is staring at their plates wondering what they did to deserve this culinary punishment, maybe it’s time to reassess. Because hangry crew members? They’re just one step away from staging a kitchen coup.

Good morning! Dementia, Diabetes, Alzheimer’s by Luis Rafael Hurtado. #24/0144.

October 5, 2024 · 1 min read

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Good morning!

Dementia, Diabetes, Alzheimer’s—these modern-day diseases don’t just sneak up on us; they’re the result of inflammation, fueled by processed sugar and a sedentary lifestyle we’ve subconsciously embraced. But here’s the good news: it’s reversible, or even better, avoidable! The solution? Start today by taking shots—no, not tequila—of pure ginger, turmeric, green apple, jalapeño, and lemon! Juice your greens like it’s your new religion, say no to all forms of sugar, and drastically reduce alcohol. And, yes, practice safe sex—because believe it or not, it has healing powers! Also, get rid of everything (and everyone) that’s just taking up space and not adding value to your life. The human body has an incredible ability to heal itself; we just need to give it the right tools. Take action now, and you’ll thank yourself later!

The time is now cabrones! Have a great weekend!

José Andrés: The Chef Who’s Feeding the World While the UN Decides What’s for Lunch by Luis Rafael Hurtado. #24/0145.

October 5, 2024 · 4 min read

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José Andrés: The Chef Who’s Feeding the World While the UN Decides What’s for Lunch

Move over, UN. There’s a new global superhero in town, and he’s not coming to shake hands, give speeches, or pose for awkward group photos. He’s coming with a paella pan and enough chorizo to feed a small country.  José Andrés, the Spanish chef with a heart as big as his portions, is doing more for humanity than a room full of diplomats ever could. While the United Nations is busy drafting resolutions no one reads, José is rolling up his sleeves, whipping up some gazpacho, and feeding the world—literally.

Feeding People vs. Talking About Feeding People

Let’s start with the basics. The UN has a committee for everything—world hunger, poverty, climate change, probably even one for figuring out how to pronounce quinoa. But what’s their strategy? Organize endless meetings, take years to make decisions, and maybe, just maybe, release a statement. Meanwhile, “José Andrés”is like, “Oh, there’s a natural disaster? Cool, I’ll be there in 24 hours with a food truck and a smile.”

His nonprofit, World Central Kitchen, has fed millions of people after hurricanes, earthquakes, and wildfires. And here’s the kicker—he’s not just handing out sandwiches. This man is out there cooking gourmet meals in disaster zones! People are getting calamari in the middle of a crisis. Take that, UN! Last we checked, no one’s lining up for a plate of bureaucracy with a side of red tape.

While the UN Discusses Solutions, José Andrés Is Serving Them

It’s a classic move. Something terrible happens, like a hurricane or earthquake, and the UN rushes in with—you guessed it—another meeting.  After several days of “strategizing,” they announce a plan to announce another plan. José Andrés? He’s already got five pop-up kitchens set up and is flipping tortillas like he’s got no time for politics (because, spoiler alert, he doesn’t).

When the world was hit with the COVID-19 pandemic, what did the UN do? You guessed it—more meetings! José? He turned restaurants into community kitchens, feeding frontline workers, families, and pretty much anyone with an appetite. While the UN debated which color ties to wear for their Zoom calls, José was out there handing out meals like a benevolent food wizard.

Disaster Diplomacy: José Andrés Style

If the UN really wanted to solve world hunger, they should hand over the keys to José Andrés, His disaster diplomacy is simple: go where people are hungry, cook food, feed them. No speeches, no committees, no waiting for world leaders to approve the plan. Because let’s be honest—when was the last time a UN resolution ended with a freshly grilled octopus?

When Hurricane Maria devastated Puerto Rico, the UN sent, you guessed it, thoughts and prayers (and some logistical support). Meanwhile, José Andrés was on the ground serving 3.7 million meals in the time it takes for the UN to find the “reply all” button. He even wrote a book about it, “We Fed an Island” because apparently, saving the world with food wasn’t enough. He had to rub it in too.

José Andrés: The Real Global Leader

Forget secretary-generals. We need head chefs running this world. José Andrés doesn’t wait for approval or international permission slips. He just shows up, does the work, and leaves a trail of well-fed, grateful humans in his wake. The man is a one-man NGO. And he’s doing it with a smile and some of the best food you’ve ever seen in a disaster zone. Think about it—while the UN sends out a three-page press release, José is grilling fresh seafood on the shores of some hurricane-ravaged island.

The United Nations? More Like the United… Maybe Later

The UN loves to talk about the big problems: world hunger, climate change, disaster relief. They spend millions on conferences, summits, and speeches where world leaders give dramatic nods but very little actual help. José Andrés? He doesn’t have time for that. He’s too busy changing the world with a ladle in one hand and a spatula in the other.

And here’s the thing—José isn’t just helping; he’s inspiring. While diplomats are reading long-winded reports, he’s turning volunteers into kitchen warriors. He’s proving that food is more than just fuel—it’s a force for good, a way to rebuild communities, and, quite frankly, a lot more satisfying than whatever the UN’s serving.

José Andrés for Secretary-General?

At this point, we should just hand over the UN to José Andrés. Let him run it like one of his kitchens—fast, efficient, and with a flair for the dramatic. Instead of endless debates, we could have a global paella cook-off. Imagine world leaders discussing peace over a steaming pot of arroz con pollo. I guarantee you things would get solved a lot quicker if there were tapas involved.

Conclusion: When in Doubt, Follow the Chef

So, while the UN continues to pat itself on the back for issuing another statement, “José Andrés” is out there saving lives with a frying pan. He’s proving, day by day, that sometimes the best way to solve global problems isn’t through bureaucracy and endless debate—it’s through action, compassion, and a little garlic. If the UN wants to stay relevant, they might want to take some cooking lessons from José.

Because at the end of the day, you can’t eat a resolution. But you can definitely enjoy some of José’s world-saving paella.

And there you have it! Hope this brings a smile to your face while capturainge José Andrés’ incredible impact. 😄

Yacht Gossip: Part 2. With Courtesy of Erica Lay & The Mallorca Bulletin. #24/142.

October 4, 2024 · 4 min read

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https://www.majorcadailybulletin.com/holiday/life-style/2024/10/04/127783/yacht-gossip-mallorca-part-2.html

Erica Lay owner of EL CREW International Yacht Crew Agency http://www.elcrewco.com/

erica@elcrewco.com

Yacht Gossip: Part 2

Discover the funny, bizarre, and unforgettable moments yacht crews face while ensuring memorable guest experiences

One evening, a guest requested a “glow-in-the-dark” paint party on the deck.

Well our last foray into the weird and wonderful world of requestswas so well received we figured we’d do another one! So buckle up for round two of the sort of stuff yacht crew have been dealing with this summer all over the world …

More Eccentric Guest Requests

The Iceberg Request: While cruising in cold waters, a guest requested that the crew bring an iceberg on board so they could have their drink “on the rocks.” The crew, ever resourceful, carved a chunk of ice from a nearby glacier and presented it on deck, much to the delight and amusement of the guest, who enjoyed their drink with a literal piece of nature in it.

The Skydiving Extravaganza: An adventurous guest requested an impromptu skydiving session over the ocean. The crew arranged for a professional skydiving team to join them at the next port, and the guest had the thrilling experience of jumping from a plane and landing on a designated spot on the yacht’s deck. The crew watched in awe and amusement as the guest made a dramatic entrance. Thank God they didn’t miss!

On-Board Antics

The Costume Ball: A guest decided to throw a spontaneous costume ball and insisted that the crew join in the fun. With limited resources, the crew got creative, using bed sheets, kitchen aprons, and whatever else they could find to fashion makeshift costumes. The sight of the crew mingling with guests in their DIY outfits added a hilarious and charming touch to the evening.

The Missing Guest: One guest had a penchant for playing hide and seek, but without informing anyone. The crew spent an entire afternoon searching for the guest, only to find them comfortably napping in a hidden storage compartment. The guest found the whole situation amusing, while the crew had a mix of relief and laughter.

Fishing for Fun: During a fishing trip, a guest requested to catch a fish with their bare hands, a task easier said than done. The crew set up a shallow area with netting to increase the chances of success. After several humorous attempts and lots of splashing, the guest finally caught a small fish, leading to a triumphant and laughter-filled moment. Thankfully the chef was not asked to cook it.

Memorable Parties and Events

The Karaoke Catastrophe: A guest threw a karaoke party and insisted that everyone, including the captain, participate. The captain, not known for his singing abilities, delivered a hilariously off-key rendition of a popular song, which became the highlight of the night. The crew and guests bonded over the shared laughter and unforgettable performances.

The Paint Party: One evening, a guest requested a “glow-in-the-dark” paint party on the deck. The crew covered everything with protective sheets and set up UV lights. Guests donned white clothing and splattered each other with neon paint. The colourful chaos was a hit, and the sight of everyone glowing under the UV lights made for a vibrant and funny spectacle. The clear up was not quite so much fun though….

The Waterslide Adventure: A particularly fun-loving adult guest asked for the inflatable waterslide to be set up from the upper deck into the ocean. Not for the kids, for the grown-ups. The crew obliged, and the sight of adults gleefully sliding into the sea turned the yacht into a floating water park. The event was filled with laughter and splash-filled fun, creating a memorable day for everyone on board.

Culinary Quirks

The Giant Sandwich: A guest once requested the largest sandwich the chef could make. Rising to the challenge, the chef created a gigantic beast of a thing – never challenge a chef, you will always lose! The guests were evidently delighted at the colossal creation, and the crew had a great time watching them guest tackle the giant meal – and put in a request, so the chef had to make more for them.

The Personalised Cocktail Challenge: During a cocktail party, a guest challenged the stew tending bar to create a personalised cocktail for each guest based on their personality. She rose to the occasion, crafting unique and whimsically named drinks that captured the essence of each guest. The humorous descriptions and surprising flavour combinations kept everyone entertained. And apparently earned the crew a decent tip!

The Chocolate Fountain Incident: At a dessert buffet, a chocolate fountain became the unintended centerpiece of a series of misfortunate events when it was set on too high a speed. Guests trying to dip various items ended up with chocolate splatters everywhere. The crew had a good laugh but had to quickly clean up the chocolate-splattered deck and guests, who took the messy fun in stride.

These additional stories highlight the unexpected, amusing, and sometimes downright absurd situations that yacht crew members encounter. Their ability to adapt, improvise, and find humour in these moments is a testament to their dedication to ensuring guests have a memorable and enjoyable experience on the high seas.

In Like Flynn. The Legend of Errol Flynn. An Article by Gregory C. Y. Piatkowski. #24/0143.

October 4, 2024 · 3 min read

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69 years ago: Errol Flynn returned to his “ZACA” in September 1955. The 118-foot schooner had been moored at the Real Club Náutico de Palma since 1952. Once a celebrated screen pirate and Robin Hood, Flynn was now a fading star in Hollywood. However, despite his decline, his charisma remained intact. Wherever Flynn went, attention followed. His reputation as a wild rogue, paired with an undeniable elegance, continued to draw people in. Even as his finances crumbled, he maintained the air of a free spirit who roamed the seas like an old buccaneer in his own realm.

Between film productions, Flynn sought refuge on his yacht in Palma’s bay. The “ZACA” wasn’t just a vessel for Flynn – it was his sanctuary, a symbol of freedom and independence. The towering sails that caught the wind reflected the adventurer’s spirit that never truly left him. On board, away from the turmoil of Hollywood, Flynn could still be the hero he once portrayed on screen.

He avoided the United States, partly due to outstanding tax debts. His fortune was embezzled by accountants, and his marriage to Patricia Wymore was in ruins. Meanwhile, his box office hits from the 1930s and 1940s were now reaching Spanish cinemas, bringing Flynn a delayed wave of fame on the Iberian Peninsula. In Spain, Flynn wasn’t just seen as an actor – he was viewed as a symbol of a bygone Hollywood era, one of romance, adventure, and heroism. In Palma, for some, he was a hero, while for others, he was a tragic figure.

Flynn was a regular at “Joe’s” on Plaza Gomila and Rudi’s “Tirol” on Calle de Apuntadores – legendary hangouts known for their raucous gatherings. His image as a playboy and womanizer overshadowed other aspects of his life, including his political convictions: Flynn had visited Spain in 1937 during the Civil War, where he commented on the conflict from the Republican side. His passion for freedom fighters resurfaced in 1958, much to Hollywood’s dismay, when he produced The Cuban Story: The Truth about Fidel Castro’s Revolution – a unique documentary of Cuba’s transformation. For Flynn, the fight for freedom wasn’t just a role – it was a deeply held belief.

In his diary entry from October 8, 1955, in Palma de Mallorca, Flynn wrote:

“(…) Favourite occupation: A prolonged bout in the bedroom.

The greatest calamity: Castration.

What would I like to be at seventy? At seventy, I confidently hope I will have had at least eight more wives, have grown a stomach that I can regard with respect, and still be able to walk upstairs to the bedroom without aching or groaning.”

This mix of humor and melancholy reveals Flynn’s self-awareness about his fading youth and vitality. While he joked about future wives and a “respectable” belly, there’s an underlying fear of the physical decline of a man once known for his vitality and presence. The adventurer who had conquered Hollywood was now facing the inevitable signs of aging.

On October 14, 1959, while negotiating the sale of his beloved “ZACA” in Vancouver, Errol Flynn died of a heart attack at the age of 50. Even in his final years, he remained a figure of fascination, with his life oscillating between legendary escapades and quiet, personal struggles.

Life’s Lessons, Served Hot in a Bowl of Soup by Luis Rafael Hurtado. #24/0141.

October 3, 2024 · 2 min read

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Life’s Lessons, Served Hot in a Bowl of Soup

Dear crew,

If there’s one thing I believe we should all learn early in life, it’s how to make a good soup. Yes, you read that right—soup! You see, soup is more than just a meal; it’s the gateway to understanding the beautiful process of critical thinking. Don’t believe me? Think about it.

Soup is one of the simplest, most profound creations. You start with basic ingredients—some vegetables, a little seasoning, maybe a stray chicken leg if you’re feeling fancy—and from this humble beginning, you transform it into something nourishing, comforting, and healing. Soup delivers subliminal messages of love in every spoonful, like a hug for your stomach! It has the magical ability to transport us back to childhood or evoke memories of home, holidays, and the people we cherish.

All you need to make soup is good intentions and the will to throw things into a pot. With simple, affordable ingredients, soup welcomes everyone, no matter their budget. It’s democratic, inclusive, and oh-so forgiving.

And here’s the best part: the soup you make tells you a lot about who you are. Are you a “throw in all the spices” kind of person or a “less is more” minimalist? Do you follow recipes to the letter or add a dash of chaos to the pot? Learning to make a good soup is a sure sign you’re on the right track to success and, dare I say, to a harmonious life.

So, next time you find yourself staring at a pot, wondering if you have what it takes, remember—if you can make soup, you can do anything.

Yours in broth and wisdom,

Chef Raffie

Monk Seals: A Lost Mediterranean Legacy. An Article by Gregory C. Y. Piatkowski. #24/0139.

October 2, 2024 · 2 min read

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66 years ago in April: In Cala Tuent, the Guardia Civil killed what was likely the last Mediterranean monk seal (Monachus monachus) on Mallorca. These marine mammals once populated the entire coasts and islands of the Mediterranean as part of a balanced ecosystem. This balance shifted with the territorial expansion of another predator: humans. As early as Homer, Plutarch, and Aristotle, the seal was mentioned in ancient writings. Its fur, fat, and meat were highly prized, and due to its trusting nature, the animal was easy to hunt. The fall of the Roman Empire in the 5th century initially halted its early extinction in the western Mediterranean. Along Mallorca’s coasts, pirate raids discouraged human settlement for centuries, while the seals used these areas undisturbed as natural breeding grounds, and their colonies flourished. The end of piracy in the 19th century also marked the end of the monk seal colonies on Mallorca. Fishermen increasingly settled the coasts, and fishing became a thriving industry. The monk seal, which feeds exclusively on fish and mollusks, became a bitter enemy of the fishermen: it stole their easy catch and tore apart their fishing nets. The people of that time saw the seal as a pest that needed to be exterminated. Archduke Ludwig Salvator described their hunting by the islanders in 1870: “Let us consider seal hunting. Normally, you would encounter two, four, or five monk seals, swimming and playing in the water for a while, until one of them crawls onto the shore. At that moment, the hunter fires. Sometimes the animal dies instantly, but at other times it can escape into the sea; the hunter must be prepared for this and close the entrance to the cave with a strong net… the seal lifts its body out of the water, and at that moment the hunter shoots it again… They also catch the monk seal with a strong hook tied to a durable rope.”

On the North African coast and in the Greek Aegean, some colonies have survived to this day. On the Balearic Islands, however, the “Vellmarí” is considered extinct. All monk seals…? In 2008, a diver spotted one near El Toro in the southwest of Mallorca. However, marine biologists believe it was an African individual that had migrated.