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Superyacht crew confessions: Real questions, real answers from the Yachting Agony Aunt. With Courtesy of Erica Lay & The Mallorca Bulletin. #24/0153.

October 15, 2024 · 9 min read

Erica Lay owner of EL CREW International Yacht Crew Agency http://www.elcrewco.com/

erica@elcrewco.com

Having been in the business of superyacht crew recruitment for close to 20 years, I often find myself in the position of being somewhat of an Agony Aunt. Sometimes the questions I’m asked are so pertinent to the industry they’re absolutely worth sharing as the answers and information could help someone else in a similar situation. So I’m going to share some! If you have any questions you’d like advice on please email me and you might be featured in the next article. But be warned, I’m not necessarily known for sugar coating my answers…

Today’s first question comes from a green crew member.

Dear Erica

I’m in Mallorca looking for my first yacht job as a deckhand. I’ve applied to loads of jobs online and through agencies but I haven’t had any replies to my applications yet. Thing is, I don’t have my STCW yet but would do it if I had a serious job offer. I have the cash but don’t want to spend it in case I can get a boat to pay for it instead. What are my chances?

Frugal, Palma

Hi Frugal,

I’ll be honest. Zero. You’re competing with literally hundreds of brand new crew who’ve done their homework, invested in their courses ahead of time and have arrived prepared. I hate to be the one to break it to you but you don’t just need an STCW… have you got your ENG1 medical yet? I’d start there. Then you’ll need a security certificate (go for Proficiency in Designated Security Duties which lots of schools now add on to the 4 module STCW course), and a Powerboat level 2. That’s a minimum. Depending on your experience, funds and objectives you may want to consider Personal Water Craft. Or even a Dayskipper. But, before you do all that I’d recommend you do some research, figure out if this industry is for you and something you’d like to commit to before you spend all that money. You’re not going to find a yacht willing to sponsor you through your courses either at this stage – training packages usually come as a reward for hard work and loyalty. Good luck!

Our second question comes from another newbie who’s been taken advantage of.

Hey Erica

I’m working on a 34m MY as Sole Stew and this is my first job. I’ve been on board for three months and will be finishing the season soon. I haven’t ever been given a contract as the captain says this is just “daywork”. They said when I joined I’d be paid a certain amount and my first two months pay have been less. We didn’t discuss holiday either, how much am I entitled to? And can I get that paid out at the end of the season? The captain also said we’d start and finish in Palma but now we’re going to finish in Athens. They’ll need to pay for my flight back to Palma right?

New Stew

Oh New Stew

Where do I start with this one. This is not daywork this is a temporary job. Daywork is when you join a yacht in port for a few hours a day and then go home. Daywork is not a liveaboard position and the boat certainly shouldn’t have left port. You’re a temp stewardess, and it sounds like the captain is taking you for a complete ride. Without a contract, you don’t really have a leg to stand on here – before joining a yacht you should always have a contract in position to protect both parties. This is called a Seafarer’s Employment Agreement and you can find templates available online with the basics included. The SEA should set out terms of your employment: salary, holidays, repatriation, notice periods and also, insurance. Are you covered on the yacht insurance if you have an accident? I’d be surprised if he’s even put you on the crew list! With no contract, he can leave you high and dry (and even potentially unpaid) in Athens on the dock. Unfortunately there’s not a lot we can do with this one but next time, make sure you have a contract before you join. And if you have any doubts or questions about what you’re being told is “normal”, then ask someone (like me, or another captain or an experienced crew member). Sadly there are a lot of charlatans in this (and every) industry who will take advantage. Don’t let them. Finally, I’d recommend you sign up with Nautilus – all crew should. Nautilus are like a trade union for yacht crew and annual membership gives you access to legal and welfare assistance. Best of luck out there and get home safe.

Here’s a question from a Captain who’s struggling to keep his crew.

Hi Erica

I’m captain of a 50m MY. It’s busy private and charter, full on programme – when we’re not chartering the boss is on, often we have 24 hour turn arounds between one group leaving and another arriving. We’re also dual season Med and Caribbean. My issue is my crew keep burning out and leaving, I’ve been through two chief officers, three chief stews, three engineers and the juniors seem to be on a revolving door. What can I do to keep them? My boss is fed up of seeing different faces every time they come on board. 

Cappy Chaos

Hey Capitano,

You’ve answered your own question there. You’re burning them out so something needs to give. I note from previous communications the crew get 4 weeks holiday a year, and this simply is not enough for a programme like yours. I’ll be honest it’s pretty outdated now. That sort of holiday package only works on single season yachts when the crew get weekends off through the winter on top of holidays. It’s give and take – your crew are currently giving everything until there’s no fuel left in the tank and they’re not getting anything back. So you have two choices here: you can either talk to the owner and ask them to cut back on their trips or the charters (I suspect they’ll want to do neither) to allow the crew more time between trips for some down time, and just the opportunity to breathe, or you look at more time off. Busy programmes like yours tend to thrive when you implement rotation which I see you already have as captain? So why don’t you give it to the rest of the crew? I can help you with the facts and figures to present to the owners but overall, rotation will allow the crew to be the best they can be, and uphold the high standards of the yacht, and then go home and recuperate for their time off before coming back to do it all over again. It’s simple – not enough time off means people aren’t giving their best and it’s not just the service aspect, it’s health and safety. When people are exhausted they’re more likely to miss things or have accidents and if that happens, your boss is going to have a lot more issues to deal with. Think on it. Come back to me.

A quick question from another captain.

Erica! Help!

I’ve got a problem with a crew member and I’m not sure whether to try and replace her or not. The stew I’ve employed for the season is great with the guests, they love her, and she works tirelessly with a smile for them to make sure they’re having the best time! But, she says she not only won’t pick up my laundry from my cabin floor, she won’t even do it! Or the deckhand’s either. How do I address this with her? 

Captain P

Hello Captain P

The simple answer? You don’t. What are you, 5? And hang on, did we go back to 1955? The stew is there to do a job. She is responsible for running the interior of the yacht; housekeeping and guest service. Which as you’ve stated, she’s evidently excellent at. Her job does not include picking your dirty cacks up off your cabin floor. Do your own washing, clean your own cabin (all crew should be responsible for their own space), and whilst you’re cleaning the mirror in your bathroom, have a good look in it and have a word with yourself. I’m sure if you ask her very nicely she can show you (and the decky) how to work the washing machine. She’s the stewardess, she’s not your mum. There’s a good boy, now back to work and be nicer to her please.

This one comes from a yacht owner!

Dear Erica,

This is the story…My husband and I purchased a magnificent pre-owned yacht in 2023 and did a total re-fit that we finished about 6 months ago. We were lucky enough to have the time and opportunity to oversee the job and really worked hard to complete it. It is 105’ of heaven. We are docked in Puerto Portals.

However, since finishing the work, we have gone through 3 Captains. This is really taking the joy out of owning this vessel! We require a 200 Ton license. The Captains come in with a great attitude and lots of promises, but then fizzle out. We are really clear when we interview them about our lifestyle (which is very casual) and the amount of time we plan to use the yacht. We ask them if they can supply mates, crew and stews, they say yes, but when push comes to shove they can’t. But the worst part is, each one of these Captains has been a nightmare! One ploughed straight into a dock, scratching the entire side of our newly painted boat. Another ran us aground and the props had to be repaired. The third did not do any damage, but has refused to work Christmas through New Year when we had specifically told him upon hiring that we planned to go to St. Barth’s for the holidays. Then he quit without any notice! Not one of them has acted professionally. 

What is the formula for finding a good Captain so that we can enjoy our yacht? 

Thanks for your time, 

An Owner

Hi An,

I do feel your pain here. There’s nothing worse than entrusting your precious, beautiful yacht to the hands of someone who turns out to be a total wally. Sounds like you’ve had a visit from the bad luck fairy. But you didn’t tell me where you found these guys – how are you selecting them? One dodgy hire is unlucky, two is really unlucky, but three?! That’s making me ask questions! Did you check their references? Talk to previous owners they’ve worked for? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it doesn’t sound like you have, as judging by the incidents you mention, a few phone calls would probably have brought up a few nagging doubts. In future I’d strongly recommend you call up other owners and grill them. Lightly on both sides. Best question to ask: “Would you rehire him?” If you use an agency they’ll do all that for you, AND they should offer a guarantee for anything of 3-6mths so if that captain leaves or you fire him, they have to replace them – no charge.

Look out for any warning signs on the CV and challenge the Captain. No longevity, missing references, big gaps of unemployment. You get the idea… did these guys have any previous experience? Local knowledge for where you’re cruising? If they’re crashing and running aground it sounds like they have no real experience on a boat so make sure you don’t pick the same sort of candidate again! What are you paying? Are you in line with market rates and industry standards? If not, that might be contributing to the problem.

With regard to the “positive starts going steadily downhill”, what’s causing that? Can you identify where it’s going wrong? And ask why? You mention a “casual lifestyle”, but what does that actually mean? Obviously it’s your yacht and you can do what you like with it, when you like (as long as it’s safe), so be honest with the Captain from the start to make sure you’re on the same page. One person’s casual could well be another’s formal. If you guys like to be heavily involved with the vessel operation and decisions of the Captain then tell them what you’re like, that way they can decide if you’re the right owners for them too.

So the formula for finding the best captain? At this stage I’d say call an agent. They’ll do all the grisly work, offer advice and support and then give you a few CVs of good captains with good previous performance; then all you have to do is sit on your slice of heaven, drink a margarita and pick the one you like best. Let’s face it – the money you’ll spend on an agency fee you’ll save on your insurance premiums from picking another crasher…!

The Tale of the Reluctant Chief Stewardess – AKA The Captain’s Wife by Luis Rafael Hurtado. #24/0152.

October 14, 2024 · 3 min read

The Tale of the Reluctant Chief Stewardess – AKA The Captain’s Wife

Ah, life on a 120ft yacht, where the sun shines, the sea glistens, and the Captain’s wife—let’s call her Madam Chief Stewardess—is onboard against her will. Why? Because the Captain, in his infinite wisdom (or paranoia), decided it was safer to drag her along rather than leave her at home where she might gasp become unfaithful.

Now, Madam didn’t actually want to be on the boat. In fact, the only thing she liked less than being on the boat was the concept of working on the boat. But that’s a small detail, right? So, to justify her presence—and her complete lack of interest in manual labor—the Captain bestowed upon her the glorious title of Purser. Because nothing says “qualified for leadership” like being the Captain’s spouse with zero motivation or skill. She will disappear all day to go provisioning and return to the boat past 7:00 pm with only two bags, one from Victoria Secret and another one from Sephora looking like she just took a shower and demanding dinner! You got the picture right! A real priority was to keep a permanent sun tan. She will have at least 30 bathing suits, one for each day of the month and if you sew all the bathing suits together you wouldn’t have enough material for a dinner napkin!

Madam quickly established her reign of laziness. Her first decree? Delegation. Why should she bother with actual work when she could just tell the crew what to do… poorly? Need provisions ordered? Don’t bother Madam with silly details like quantities or quality. Just hope the galley can survive on two lemons, three cans of tuna, and a bottle of rosé. (Priorities, right?)

As for paperwork? Oh, please. Let’s just say that Madam’s version of “managing finances” was closer to playing Monopoly. When she wasn’t doing the bare minimum, she was honing her skills in her true calling: being a general nuisance. Every complaint from the crew, every minor inconvenience, somehow spiraled into a full-blown crisis under Madam’s expert (read: utterly useless) guidance.

And let’s not forget her favorite pastime: making everyone miserable. Need some towels? “Why didn’t you ask me earlier?” Want help with a guest request? “I’m on a break, darling.” Meanwhile, the rest of the crew slaved away, picking up the slack from her endless stream of excuses and “emergencies” that involved absolutely no emergencies at all—unless you count chipped nail polish.

As the boat drifted through paradise, the crew wasn’t just sinking under waves of work—they were drowning in Madam’s inefficiency. But hey, at least the Captain didn’t have to worry about her cheating. Too bad he was oblivious to the fact that the real affair was happening between his wife and the yacht’s most comfortable lounge chair.

So, the next time you find yourself working on a luxury yacht, just pray the Purser isn’t also the Captain’s personal liability twenty years younger. Otherwise, you might be in for a trip where the real challenge isn’t navigating the ocean—but surviving Madam’s reign of lazy terror.

The Allure of the Open Sea: A Prelude to a History of Private Yachting by Gregory C. Y. Piatkowski. #24/0151.

October 12, 2024 · 5 min read

(Picture: Ships of Amsterdam: Dutch Admiralty Yacht. A Guard Ship.)

The Allure of the Open Sea: A Prelude to a History of Private Yachting

Private yachting is more than a pastime; it’s a lifestyle choice, a blend of adventure and exclusivity that offers freedom on the open water. At its heart, private yachting is the ownership or use of a vessel specifically for personal leisure rather than commercial or competitive purposes. It’s a realm where the practical meets the luxurious, where one can cruise at their own pace, far from the bustle of the shore, with a view that’s constantly changing.

Historically, private yachting emerged as a pursuit for the wealthy, those who sought both relaxation and status as they sailed along coastlines or crossed seas. Today, private yachting has expanded to encompass a diverse array of vessels, from compact sailing yachts to sprawling superyachts equipped with every imaginable amenity. While it once symbolized exclusivity and luxury, modern private yachting often reflects an appreciation for the environment, with owners exploring more sustainable ways to navigate the world’s oceans.

In essence, private yachting embodies a desire to escape, to explore, and to experience the world from a unique vantage point, one where the horizon is yours alone and the sea stretches endlessly before you.

In Hemingway’s words, the sea is “the last free place on earth.” Out there, away from the land and the noise, it’s just you and the horizon. That’s the allure that’s driven yachting from the start—a taste of true freedom, untamed and raw. Hemingway captured the soul of it: the sea is both a companion and a challenger, a place that reminds you that freedom isn’t found in comfort. It’s found when you’re willing to face the unknown, stripped down to your core.

This article is a first step—a pilot, if you will—into a series exploring the fascinating journey of private yachting from its origins to the present day. The history of private yachting isn’t just about boats; it’s about the people who embraced the open sea, driven by a sense of adventure, luxury, and freedom. This series will chart the evolution of private yachting across the centuries, beginning here with a broad look at its key milestones.

1600s: Dutch Beginnings and the Birth of the “Jacht”

Private yachting owes its start to the Dutch in the 17th century, who, amidst their Golden Age, crafted small, swift vessels called “jachts” to patrol waterways and transport goods. These boats quickly gained popularity among the Dutch elite, who saw in them the potential for leisure, not just utility. The Dutch merchant class and nobility began using these jachts for personal voyages, and with that, the first spark of private yachting was born.

1660: Charles II and the Spread of Yachting to England

In 1660, the Dutch presented England’s Charles II with a yacht named Mary, and the English king was captivated. This gift marked a pivotal moment, bringing yachting into the English court and spreading its allure to British nobility. Charles soon had more yachts built and started informal races on the Thames, solidifying yachting as a pursuit of leisure, not merely function.

1720: The First Yachting Club and Formalized Yachting

The Royal Cork Yacht Club, founded in 1720 in Ireland, became the world’s first yachting club, formalizing the sport with organized regattas. This institutionalization of yachting encouraged enthusiasts to gather, race, and discuss their passion. Yacht clubs spread throughout Europe, and yacht design began evolving with a focus on speed and maneuverability, laying the groundwork for competitive sailing as we know it.

1851: The America’s Cup and International Competition

The 1851 America’s Cup put yachting on an international stage when the American schooner America bested the British fleet. This historic race ignited a sense of rivalry that pushed yacht designs toward new heights of speed and efficiency. The America’s Cup remains a prestigious event, exemplifying yachting’s shift from leisurely cruising to high-stakes competition.

Late 1800s to Early 1900s: The Golden Age of Yachting

The late 19th century saw a surge in luxury yachting. Industrialists, royals, and socialites commissioned ever more lavish yachts, turning them into floating palaces complete with salons, dining rooms, and more. Steam-powered yachts allowed for extended journeys, further cementing yachting as a status symbol. During this golden era, private yachts became statements of wealth and a testament to the power of their owners. The golden era of classic sailing, with its elegant vessels and leisurely cruises, came to a crashing halt with the outbreak of World War I. Yachts that once glided along peaceful coastlines were suddenly pulled into the war effort, repurposed as patrol boats and hospital ships. Yacht builders traded teak and mahogany for steel and iron, their focus shifting from crafting beauty to building for battle. By the war’s end, the world had changed. That carefree elegance was a relic, and society was no longer in the mood for grandeur. The yachts of pre-war days became silent witnesses to a lost time, as people turned to rebuilding rather than indulging. Yachting would continue, of course, but it would emerge different—a symbol of the new world, shaped by both loss and resilience.

Post-WWII: Motor Yachts and Modern Materials

After World War II, advancements in materials like fiberglass and aluminum changed the game. These materials allowed for lighter, more durable yachts, and motor yachts surged in popularity, bringing unprecedented comfort and convenience. The 1950s and 60s saw the rise of the superyacht, with features like multiple decks, swimming pools, and lavish living spaces. Yachting had truly transformed into a lifestyle of luxury and freedom.

1970s-1980s: The Superyacht Craze

The 1970s and 80s witnessed a boom in superyachts, driven by the wealth of a new class of industrialists and moguls. Yacht builders like Feadship and Lürssen crafted massive vessels with cutting-edge technology, from satellite communications to computerized navigation systems. Superyachts became the ultimate symbol of affluence and the means for a select few to explore the world with unmatched comfort.

1990s-Present: Sustainability and New Trends

Today, yachting balances luxury with environmental consciousness. Innovations in hybrid propulsion systems, solar panels, and sustainable materials have redefined modern yacht design. Meanwhile, the trend toward expedition yachts has allowed owners to journey to remote, untouched places, blending exploration with eco-friendly practices. The spirit of yachting endures, with a new generation of yachts and yacht owners who prioritize sustainability while indulging in the age-old allure of the open sea.

What’s Next in This Series?

This pilot article sets the stage for a deeper dive into each of these eras, exploring the personalities, technological advancements, and cultural shifts that have defined private yachting. In the coming articles, we’ll examine everything from the early days of the Dutch “jacht” to the cutting-edge designs of today’s eco-friendly superyachts, offering a comprehensive look at the rich tapestry of yachting’s past and future. So, join us as we chart a course through time, uncovering the stories that have made private yachting what it is today—a pursuit of freedom, luxury, and the endless possibilities of the open water.

This pilot not only introduces the history of private yachting but also frames the series as an invitation to explore the evolution of yachting across centuries. Each forthcoming article will delve into specific aspects, making the entire series a journey through the fascinating legacy of yachting.

To Beef or Not to Beef: The Perils of Going Vegan on a Yacht by Luis Rafael Hurtado. #24/0150.

October 10, 2024 · 2 min read

To beef or not to beef

To Beef or Not to Beef: The Perils of Going Vegan on a Yacht

Ah, the yachting life—sun, sea, and now… quinoa? In an industry where caviar flows like champagne and Kobe beef is just a Tuesday lunch, we’re starting to see a new trend: veganism. But not just any kind of thoughtful, gradual shift. No, I’m talking about those who give up meat overnight because they read an article in Cosmopolitan that swore a plant-based diet would expand their social circle and give them glowing skin. Spoiler alert: it’s not working out as planned.

Take the second stew, for example. She’s vegan now, and so is her ass—wider than a yacht at anchor. The dream of becoming a svelte green goddess? Not exactly. You see, this isn’t some balanced, nourishing veganism. This is the kind of veganism that involves carb-loading on vegan donuts, bingeing on soy everything, and wondering why the salad isn’t doing its magic. Overweight and undernourished, the stew now battles mood swings that change faster than the tides, and her energy levels are lower than the ship’s anchor.

Then there’s the serious repercussion of mood swings when the stew’s blood sugar plummets mid-service. One minute, she’s arranging the gluten-free hors d’oeuvres like they’re works of art; the next, she’s questioning her life choices while clutching a spirulina shake.

And let’s not forget the entire crew’s reaction when vegan meals make their way into the galley. “No steak? No fish? What did we do to deserve this?” It’s a mutiny waiting to happen, folks. Sure, the stew may have gained a few more plant-based friends, but at the cost of a very hungry crew who now secretly hoard beef jerky in their cabins like it’s contraband.

So, before you give up meat because Cosmo says it’s the key to a new social life, remember: veganism isn’t one-size-fits-all. Especially when you’re on a yacht with a crew that just wants a juicy burger after a 12-hour shift.

To my old friend CORNER BAR FRANK alias Francis Threw, who left for another galaxy on the 8th of September 2024.

October 8, 2024 · 2 min read

I don’t know how to reach you, Frank. I’ve been looking around, but it seems you’ve gone interstellar. I took that late flight from Barcelona, hoping to see you on Sunday. But we obviously missed each other at the airport—your last flight took off just as I landed at Son Sant Juan.

You’re probably sitting in some interstellar corner bar, listening to klingons at the next table while a giant squidfish of a bartender tries to catch your eye. I wonder what the house drink is—Moloko Plus with knives, I guess. But I’m sure you ordered that bucket of beer you always kicked back. I’ll raise a bucket of beer and think of you now and then. I miss you, man. I know it’s selfish, but it’s better than squidfish.

Old bastard!

When I visited on tuesday, you still tried to make me laugh, telling me that story about the catheter and how four nurses had to hold you down. You’ve got balls, man. By the way, greetings from Julia and the kids. She misses you too. Anyway, you two always got along better. Ha!

You’re the kind of mild person who can get hard on someone when needed. I picture you interstellar, sitting by your motorbike, calmly fixing it with a bottle of whiskey at your side, like something out of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. You give that steady look of yours, the one that says you know exactly what you’re doing.

I still have that workshop lamp of yours. You lent it to me two years ago, and I know it’s yours because when I plug it in, it shines.

So, I’ll let you to it. Write me if you can. I’ll be waiting. Same old address.

Give Alan a hug. Does he still wear that menjou beard? He got there earlier than you, so I’m sure he’ll show you around.

Provisioning on a Superyacht: The Tinder Blind Date of the Culinary World by Luis Rafael Hurtado. #24/0149.

October 7, 2024 · 2 min read

Provisioning on a Superyacht: The Tinder Blind Date of the Culinary World

Using a superyacht provision service is a lot like going on a Tinder blind date: you’re full of expectations, hoping for the best, but somewhere deep inside, you know you’re about to get disappointed. You think you’re getting what you need? Oh no. It’s all about what they want to sell you—or whatever’s about to expire and they’re trying to pawn off before it turns into a science experiment.

You ask for two pounds of Black Forest ham, and somehow you end up with a five-pound slab of “slimming ham.” Because hey, why not save your waistline and disappoint your guests at the same time? And the microgreens? They arrive looking like they just finished filming their last will and testament—perfect for a “funeral salad.”

Then there’s the beef situation. You ordered 90/10 ground beef for a nice, hearty Bolognese. What you got? More fat than actual meat. Two-thirds fat, to be exact, because apparently, we’re making a Bolognese soup now.

Ordering dry goods? Prepare for your surprise guests: flour bugs, pantry weevils, rice bugs—take your pick! They come at no extra charge, which is always nice, especially when you’re in the middle of a remote cruise. It’s like a bonus protein package, but one that you never asked for and definitely don’t want.

And let’s not forget the organic eggs. You crack five for an omelette, and two of them smell like… well, let’s just say they’re far from “fresh.” I didn’t know eggs could age like fine cheese, but here we are, discovering new culinary frontiers.

The cherry on top? Your provision order arrives either right before lunch (when the crew conveniently vanishes to their cabins) or at 6:30 p.m., when everyone’s suddenly Houdini and dinner is expected on time. And don’t forget the next morning, when they ask for breakfast and you’re scratching your face with the middle finger, mentally preparing yourself for the day ahead.

Oh, and the bill? A cool $4,000 for five cases of goods, half of which are either missing or, even better, spoiled. Of course, when you called them, they assured you everything was under control—right up until the moment they hit “send” on their invoice and disappeared like the crew at provisioning time.

Crew Meals: Because No One Likes a Hangry Crew by Luis Rafael Hurtado. #24/0147.

October 6, 2024 · 2 min read

Crew Meals: Because No One Likes a Hangry Crew

Never underestimate the power of keeping your crew well-fed. Seriously, if you think serving them half-hearted sandwiches is going to cut it, think again. Great-tasting food translates into a happy crew, and guess what? A happy crew means fewer mutinies, fewer complaints, and a captain who isn’t breathing down your neck. It’s like a magical recipe for peace on the high seas. And yes, this extends to the owners, who might just thank you for not having a grumpy crew knocking on their cabin door.

If you actually want to succeed in this industry, here’s a pro tip: show the same enthusiasm for crew meals as you do for that meticulously plated lobster bisque you whipped up for the guests. And no, I’m not saying you need to serve filet mignon with a side of gold flakes at lunch (although, who wouldn’t love that?). But let’s at least pretend the crew deserves food that doesn’t resemble something you’d serve at a prison cafeteria.

Believe it or not, chefs have lost jobs over this. Yes, really. Because, shocker, it turns out that if you consistently treat the crew’s meals like an afterthought, word gets around. How many times have you heard, “Yeah, they make a killer soufflé, but their crew meals? Total garbage.”? Reputation is everything, folks.

Remember, your food says a lot about you—not just as a chef, but as a human being. So, if your crew is staring at their plates wondering what they did to deserve this culinary punishment, maybe it’s time to reassess. Because hangry crew members? They’re just one step away from staging a kitchen coup.

Good morning! Dementia, Diabetes, Alzheimer’s by Luis Rafael Hurtado. #24/0144.

October 5, 2024 · 1 min read

Good morning!

Dementia, Diabetes, Alzheimer’s—these modern-day diseases don’t just sneak up on us; they’re the result of inflammation, fueled by processed sugar and a sedentary lifestyle we’ve subconsciously embraced. But here’s the good news: it’s reversible, or even better, avoidable! The solution? Start today by taking shots—no, not tequila—of pure ginger, turmeric, green apple, jalapeño, and lemon! Juice your greens like it’s your new religion, say no to all forms of sugar, and drastically reduce alcohol. And, yes, practice safe sex—because believe it or not, it has healing powers! Also, get rid of everything (and everyone) that’s just taking up space and not adding value to your life. The human body has an incredible ability to heal itself; we just need to give it the right tools. Take action now, and you’ll thank yourself later!

The time is now cabrones! Have a great weekend!

José Andrés: The Chef Who’s Feeding the World While the UN Decides What’s for Lunch by Luis Rafael Hurtado. #24/0145.

October 5, 2024 · 4 min read

José Andrés: The Chef Who’s Feeding the World While the UN Decides What’s for Lunch

Move over, UN. There’s a new global superhero in town, and he’s not coming to shake hands, give speeches, or pose for awkward group photos. He’s coming with a paella pan and enough chorizo to feed a small country.  José Andrés, the Spanish chef with a heart as big as his portions, is doing more for humanity than a room full of diplomats ever could. While the United Nations is busy drafting resolutions no one reads, José is rolling up his sleeves, whipping up some gazpacho, and feeding the world—literally.

Feeding People vs. Talking About Feeding People

Let’s start with the basics. The UN has a committee for everything—world hunger, poverty, climate change, probably even one for figuring out how to pronounce quinoa. But what’s their strategy? Organize endless meetings, take years to make decisions, and maybe, just maybe, release a statement. Meanwhile, “José Andrés”is like, “Oh, there’s a natural disaster? Cool, I’ll be there in 24 hours with a food truck and a smile.”

His nonprofit, World Central Kitchen, has fed millions of people after hurricanes, earthquakes, and wildfires. And here’s the kicker—he’s not just handing out sandwiches. This man is out there cooking gourmet meals in disaster zones! People are getting calamari in the middle of a crisis. Take that, UN! Last we checked, no one’s lining up for a plate of bureaucracy with a side of red tape.

While the UN Discusses Solutions, José Andrés Is Serving Them

It’s a classic move. Something terrible happens, like a hurricane or earthquake, and the UN rushes in with—you guessed it—another meeting.  After several days of “strategizing,” they announce a plan to announce another plan. José Andrés? He’s already got five pop-up kitchens set up and is flipping tortillas like he’s got no time for politics (because, spoiler alert, he doesn’t).

When the world was hit with the COVID-19 pandemic, what did the UN do? You guessed it—more meetings! José? He turned restaurants into community kitchens, feeding frontline workers, families, and pretty much anyone with an appetite. While the UN debated which color ties to wear for their Zoom calls, José was out there handing out meals like a benevolent food wizard.

Disaster Diplomacy: José Andrés Style

If the UN really wanted to solve world hunger, they should hand over the keys to José Andrés, His disaster diplomacy is simple: go where people are hungry, cook food, feed them. No speeches, no committees, no waiting for world leaders to approve the plan. Because let’s be honest—when was the last time a UN resolution ended with a freshly grilled octopus?

When Hurricane Maria devastated Puerto Rico, the UN sent, you guessed it, thoughts and prayers (and some logistical support). Meanwhile, José Andrés was on the ground serving 3.7 million meals in the time it takes for the UN to find the “reply all” button. He even wrote a book about it, “We Fed an Island” because apparently, saving the world with food wasn’t enough. He had to rub it in too.

José Andrés: The Real Global Leader

Forget secretary-generals. We need head chefs running this world. José Andrés doesn’t wait for approval or international permission slips. He just shows up, does the work, and leaves a trail of well-fed, grateful humans in his wake. The man is a one-man NGO. And he’s doing it with a smile and some of the best food you’ve ever seen in a disaster zone. Think about it—while the UN sends out a three-page press release, José is grilling fresh seafood on the shores of some hurricane-ravaged island.

The United Nations? More Like the United… Maybe Later

The UN loves to talk about the big problems: world hunger, climate change, disaster relief. They spend millions on conferences, summits, and speeches where world leaders give dramatic nods but very little actual help. José Andrés? He doesn’t have time for that. He’s too busy changing the world with a ladle in one hand and a spatula in the other.

And here’s the thing—José isn’t just helping; he’s inspiring. While diplomats are reading long-winded reports, he’s turning volunteers into kitchen warriors. He’s proving that food is more than just fuel—it’s a force for good, a way to rebuild communities, and, quite frankly, a lot more satisfying than whatever the UN’s serving.

José Andrés for Secretary-General?

At this point, we should just hand over the UN to José Andrés. Let him run it like one of his kitchens—fast, efficient, and with a flair for the dramatic. Instead of endless debates, we could have a global paella cook-off. Imagine world leaders discussing peace over a steaming pot of arroz con pollo. I guarantee you things would get solved a lot quicker if there were tapas involved.

Conclusion: When in Doubt, Follow the Chef

So, while the UN continues to pat itself on the back for issuing another statement, “José Andrés” is out there saving lives with a frying pan. He’s proving, day by day, that sometimes the best way to solve global problems isn’t through bureaucracy and endless debate—it’s through action, compassion, and a little garlic. If the UN wants to stay relevant, they might want to take some cooking lessons from José.

Because at the end of the day, you can’t eat a resolution. But you can definitely enjoy some of José’s world-saving paella.

And there you have it! Hope this brings a smile to your face while capturainge José Andrés’ incredible impact. 😄

Yacht Gossip: Part 2. With Courtesy of Erica Lay & The Mallorca Bulletin. #24/142.

October 4, 2024 · 4 min read

Erica Lay owner of EL CREW International Yacht Crew Agency http://www.elcrewco.com/

erica@elcrewco.com

Yacht Gossip: Part 2

Discover the funny, bizarre, and unforgettable moments yacht crews face while ensuring memorable guest experiences

One evening, a guest requested a “glow-in-the-dark” paint party on the deck.

Well our last foray into the weird and wonderful world of requestswas so well received we figured we’d do another one! So buckle up for round two of the sort of stuff yacht crew have been dealing with this summer all over the world …

More Eccentric Guest Requests

The Iceberg Request: While cruising in cold waters, a guest requested that the crew bring an iceberg on board so they could have their drink “on the rocks.” The crew, ever resourceful, carved a chunk of ice from a nearby glacier and presented it on deck, much to the delight and amusement of the guest, who enjoyed their drink with a literal piece of nature in it.

The Skydiving Extravaganza: An adventurous guest requested an impromptu skydiving session over the ocean. The crew arranged for a professional skydiving team to join them at the next port, and the guest had the thrilling experience of jumping from a plane and landing on a designated spot on the yacht’s deck. The crew watched in awe and amusement as the guest made a dramatic entrance. Thank God they didn’t miss!

On-Board Antics

The Costume Ball: A guest decided to throw a spontaneous costume ball and insisted that the crew join in the fun. With limited resources, the crew got creative, using bed sheets, kitchen aprons, and whatever else they could find to fashion makeshift costumes. The sight of the crew mingling with guests in their DIY outfits added a hilarious and charming touch to the evening.

The Missing Guest: One guest had a penchant for playing hide and seek, but without informing anyone. The crew spent an entire afternoon searching for the guest, only to find them comfortably napping in a hidden storage compartment. The guest found the whole situation amusing, while the crew had a mix of relief and laughter.

Fishing for Fun: During a fishing trip, a guest requested to catch a fish with their bare hands, a task easier said than done. The crew set up a shallow area with netting to increase the chances of success. After several humorous attempts and lots of splashing, the guest finally caught a small fish, leading to a triumphant and laughter-filled moment. Thankfully the chef was not asked to cook it.

Memorable Parties and Events

The Karaoke Catastrophe: A guest threw a karaoke party and insisted that everyone, including the captain, participate. The captain, not known for his singing abilities, delivered a hilariously off-key rendition of a popular song, which became the highlight of the night. The crew and guests bonded over the shared laughter and unforgettable performances.

The Paint Party: One evening, a guest requested a “glow-in-the-dark” paint party on the deck. The crew covered everything with protective sheets and set up UV lights. Guests donned white clothing and splattered each other with neon paint. The colourful chaos was a hit, and the sight of everyone glowing under the UV lights made for a vibrant and funny spectacle. The clear up was not quite so much fun though….

The Waterslide Adventure: A particularly fun-loving adult guest asked for the inflatable waterslide to be set up from the upper deck into the ocean. Not for the kids, for the grown-ups. The crew obliged, and the sight of adults gleefully sliding into the sea turned the yacht into a floating water park. The event was filled with laughter and splash-filled fun, creating a memorable day for everyone on board.

Culinary Quirks

The Giant Sandwich: A guest once requested the largest sandwich the chef could make. Rising to the challenge, the chef created a gigantic beast of a thing – never challenge a chef, you will always lose! The guests were evidently delighted at the colossal creation, and the crew had a great time watching them guest tackle the giant meal – and put in a request, so the chef had to make more for them.

The Personalised Cocktail Challenge: During a cocktail party, a guest challenged the stew tending bar to create a personalised cocktail for each guest based on their personality. She rose to the occasion, crafting unique and whimsically named drinks that captured the essence of each guest. The humorous descriptions and surprising flavour combinations kept everyone entertained. And apparently earned the crew a decent tip!

The Chocolate Fountain Incident: At a dessert buffet, a chocolate fountain became the unintended centerpiece of a series of misfortunate events when it was set on too high a speed. Guests trying to dip various items ended up with chocolate splatters everywhere. The crew had a good laugh but had to quickly clean up the chocolate-splattered deck and guests, who took the messy fun in stride.

These additional stories highlight the unexpected, amusing, and sometimes downright absurd situations that yacht crew members encounter. Their ability to adapt, improvise, and find humour in these moments is a testament to their dedication to ensuring guests have a memorable and enjoyable experience on the high seas.