Hub - THE MICROGREEN MENACE
The Microgreen Menace: A Tragicomic Tale of High Seas Horticulture by Chef Tom Voigt. #24/0201.
The Microgreen Menace: A Tragicomic Tale of High Seas Horticulture
By Chef Tom Voigt
July 2024: Somewhere in the Mediterranean Sea – The yacht Verdant Dreams has been found adrift, its crew tragically overwhelmed by an unexpected and deadly green invasion. The culprit? An obsession with microgreens and microherbs that spiraled out of control, turning a once-luxurious vessel into a floating greenhouse of doom.
It all began innocently enough, with the ship’s chef, Marco “Herbivore” Haverford, indulging in the latest culinary trend: microgreens. These delicate, flavorful sprouts became his passion, then his obsession, and finally, his undoing. Haverford’s compulsive need to garnish every dish with a sprinkling of these tiny greens soon escalated into a full-blown addiction, leading to the tragic events that have now become the stuff of nautical legend.
Witnesses report that the once-sparkling yacht was found completely overrun with a jungle of microgreens and microherbs, their delicate tendrils creeping into every nook and cranny. The crew, it appears, fell victim to the chef’s unrelenting quest for culinary perfection. The microgreens, normally harmless, turned deadly as they grew uncontrollably, enveloping the ship and suffocating the unsuspecting crew members in their sleep.
In a particularly poignant twist, Captain Gregory “Salty” Salazar—rumored to have been in a romantic relationship with Chef Haverford—was discovered in the chef’s shower, entangled in a fatal embrace of microherbs. The bathroom, like the rest of the yacht, had become an impenetrable thicket of verdant horror.
The Mediterranean Incident Commission (MIC) is now investigating this unprecedented case, prompting the Maritime Culinary Association (MCA) to impose an immediate ban on microgreens aboard all seafaring vessels. This new regulation aims to prevent any further incidents of this nature, with the cultivation and use of microgreens strictly prohibited.
Meanwhile, renowned yacht chef and social media influencer Ronny Davies has been temporarily detained for his role in promoting microgreens. Authorities found his quarters on another yacht filled with microgreen seeds and sprouts—even grotesquely sprouting from his face. Davies is currently held at a biological research facility under suspicion of being the carrier of this microgreen mania.
As the fallout continues, 2025 will see the introduction of stringent laws controlling the import and cultivation of microgreens on luxury yachts. Discussions are already underway regarding rehabilitation programs for those afflicted by this bizarre addiction. Some propose severe measures—including capital punishment—for extreme cases.
Ronny Davies, now infamous for his microgreen fixation, faces trial at the Supreme Court. Should he be convicted, he may meet a fate befitting his green obsession: burned at the stake on a pyre of microgreens in his hometown’s marketplace.
Thus, let this be a cautionary tale to all: what begins as a harmless garnish can, in excessive amounts, lead to the most unexpected and tragic of ends.
Tom Voigt
Private Chef Tom Voigt is an internationally trained chef with a rich culinary background. He holds both an Austrian Chefs and Gastronomic Diploma and a diploma from the TFBS of Tourism in Tyrol, Austria. Raised in a German-Italian household, Tom’s passion for cooking ignited early in life, as he spent his childhood in his family's Italian restaurant in Germany. By the age of 12, he was already running the chef de partie station, balancing his culinary responsibilities with studying economics. Tom’s classical French and Austrian training forms the foundation of his cooking, but his approach is deeply influenced by his Mediterranean roots. He specializes in Mediterranean cuisine, placing a strong emphasis on the use of top-quality ingredients and allowing them to shine in every dish. Tom’s career spans decades of culinary exploration across the globe. His love for travel has taken him through Asia, the USA, and Africa, both as a chef and a backpacker. These experiences have deeply enriched his culinary style, blending traditional techniques with global flavors. His time working in top-tier international restaurants in Valencia, Spain, and at prestigious winter resorts in Switzerland and France has further honed his expertise. Before entering the yachting world, Tom served as Executive Head Chef for one of Germany’s largest tour and festival catering companies, where he crafted meals for legendary artists such as Carlos Santana, Neil Young, Pavarotti, The Rolling Stones, and many more. This unique experience taught him how to cater to a wide range of preferences while maintaining the highest standards of quality and presentation. Fluent in four languages—German, Italian, English, and Spanish—Tom easily adapts to diverse cultures and clients, offering a personalized culinary journey tailored to each guest’s tastes. His empathetic nature ensures that he listens carefully to the preferences of his clients, crafting dishes that not only meet but exceed their expectations. As Tom puts it, "Hospitality is not just a job—it’s a passion. When food stirs emotions, it becomes Art."