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To beef or not to beef

To Beef or Not to Beef: The Perils of Going Vegan on a Yacht

Ah, the yachting life—sun, sea, and now… quinoa? In an industry where caviar flows like champagne and Kobe beef is just a Tuesday lunch, we’re starting to see a new trend: veganism. But not just any kind of thoughtful, gradual shift. No, I’m talking about those who give up meat overnight because they read an article in Cosmopolitan that swore a plant-based diet would expand their social circle and give them glowing skin. Spoiler alert: it’s not working out as planned.

Take the second stew, for example. She’s vegan now, and so is her ass—wider than a yacht at anchor. The dream of becoming a svelte green goddess? Not exactly. You see, this isn’t some balanced, nourishing veganism. This is the kind of veganism that involves carb-loading on vegan donuts, bingeing on soy everything, and wondering why the salad isn’t doing its magic. Overweight and undernourished, the stew now battles mood swings that change faster than the tides, and her energy levels are lower than the ship’s anchor.

Then there’s the serious repercussion of mood swings when the stew’s blood sugar plummets mid-service. One minute, she’s arranging the gluten-free hors d’oeuvres like they’re works of art; the next, she’s questioning her life choices while clutching a spirulina shake.

And let’s not forget the entire crew’s reaction when vegan meals make their way into the galley. “No steak? No fish? What did we do to deserve this?” It’s a mutiny waiting to happen, folks. Sure, the stew may have gained a few more plant-based friends, but at the cost of a very hungry crew who now secretly hoard beef jerky in their cabins like it’s contraband.

So, before you give up meat because Cosmo says it’s the key to a new social life, remember: veganism isn’t one-size-fits-all. Especially when you’re on a yacht with a crew that just wants a juicy burger after a 12-hour shift.