Hub - Chef Raffies Birthday Party
An epic and outrageous celebration, brimming with dark humour and politically incorrect excesses by Chef Luis Rafael Hurtado. #25/0025.
My Birthday Party
An epic and outrageous celebration, brimming with dark humor and politically incorrect excesses.
At the heart of the party, a pair of dwarves dressed as royal waiters serve trays of empanadas with chimichurri, meticulously crafted by textbook-perfect gauchos. These mustachioed masters of the grill, with knives dangling from their belts, toss poetic compliments into the air:
“May love be like this roast—intense and dripping with savory fat!”
The bar, a true den of sin, is run by a pair of ladies of the night turned rogue mixologists, concocting cocktails so potent they could revive even the most despairing divorcé. In the background, a tarot reader with the dramatic flair of a Venezuelan soap opera actress declares:
“You, sir, have another marriage in your future. Spoiler: it’ll be worse than the first.”
Divorced friends embrace each other between tears and laughter, clinking glasses in bittersweet solidarity.
Meanwhile, a group of heavily intoxicated mariachis—jackets stained with tequila—belt out narcoballads and alternate with a fiery salsa brava band. Single women, captivated by the Go-Go dancers, abandon all inhibitions and shout:
“I’m not going home before 5 a.m. tonight!”
The shy and unassuming guests find solace in a dimly lit tent glowing with red lights, where Russian masseuses whisper in their ears:
“Relax, comrade, this is your moment.”
If you’re lucky, you might even walk out speaking a bit of Russian.
Outside in the courtyard, donkeys with barrels proudly roam, dispensing tequila, rum, and vodka like diplomatic emissaries of celebration. Beer lovers rejoice at the sight of a German cart with chilled beer dispensers, ensuring the golden brew flows faster than the empty promises of corrupt politicians.
Speaking of them, the grand bonfire blazes with effigies of despised leaders. Guests take turns tossing their least favorite political figures into the flames, shouting:
“This is for all the taxes that never accomplished anything!”
For dessert, a piñata shaped like a chef bursts open, spilling erotic toys and condoms onto the floor, sending guests scrambling for prizes like children at a birthday party.
Finally, Chinese jugglers—defying all laws of physics and common sense—put on a show so daring that someone preemptively calls emergency services “just in case.”
The night draws to a spectacular close with strippers dancing on tables, blowing kisses to the crowd. The last drunken souls embrace each other, singing Cielito Lindo with tequila in hand.
And as I, the birthday star and king of the party, gaze over the scene with satisfaction, I think to myself:
“Dreaming didn’t cost a thing, but damn, it was worth every second.”
Will I see you there? Are you excited?
Long live creativity, imagination, and madness!
![Luis Rafael Hurtado](/files/a5129aa4-4047-445b-bd9f-00873552e1ff.jpeg)
Luis Rafael Hurtado
Chef Luis Rafael (Raffie) Hurtado is what happens when Latin American flavors meet modern culinary magic. Known for mixing traditional American tastes with unexpected twists, Raffie doesn’t just cook; he creates edible stories. Whether it’s a private dinner or a cooking class, he tailors each experience like a bespoke suit for your taste buds. Obsessed with fresh ingredients and top-notch presentation, Raffie’s attention to detail borders on the ridiculous—in a good way. He’s also passionate about teaching, inspiring future chefs, and making sure his kitchen is as green as his microgreens (when they don’t arrive half-dead). If you’re after sustainability with a side of culture, you’ve found your guy.